Dating is hard for most people. Then throw a disability into the dating scene and things become…well, let’s say challenging. BUT VERY POSSIBLE. I always have to put that in there.
But it does take hard work. I have to put that in there too.
If you’re a Radiant Abilities reader, you know the hard work is within yourself, not in “winning” people over. You need to begin with a vision of what you want in dating and relationships.
If you didn’t read it, please click here because we’re launching into building your self esteem and confidence (or one of someone you care about) to be able to go out there and attract the relationships you want.
Yes, I said attract, not meet someone. We meet people all the time. If you’re reading this, you probably want to do more than meet people. You want connection, companionship, and honest to goodness LOVE.
But, oh how unfair the world is around this topic for people living with disabilities. The disability, especially if it’s physical or evident in any way, can put up an immediate barrier. The resistance to seeing people with disabilities as sexual beings is still very alive and well, refusing to die.
Let’s acknowledge that discouraging fact and then get on with the business of attracting.
Because to make any headway with the unfairness of the world, we have to meet it head on, acknowledge its presence, and get on with pursuing our dreams.
For this vision of yours, you also need to affirm yourself – build your confidence by giving yourself positive messages.
In dating, you can get plenty of negative messages. I remember them well from my single days, “He’s looking for someone more ‘athletic’ than you,” “People think I’m such an awesome guy because I date you,” and then the ever popular, completing ignoring you and your interest altogether.
It can be brutal, can’t it?
All the more reason to give yourself the LOVE and ENCOURAGEMENT you need. It’s unfair and quite honestly, it sucks, but when facing taking risks to pursue your deepest dreams, you got to armor yourself a good dose of self-love and confidence.
I know this is much easier said than done. The key, though, is to start practicing. Here’s some statements to help you begin followed by a quick explanation of why saying this will help you feel more confident:
1. My disability and the experience of living with it only adds to what I have to offer.
The strengths and personal qualities, such as determination and acceptance of others, you have gained from living with a disability enhance who you are and what you offer to others.
2. I enjoy dating and meeting people.
If you enjoy the process of dating, you’re more likely to be successful. Let go of the pressure you may put on yourself about “finding someone.”
3. I attract people who see my disability as an asset.
Anyone who focuses on your disability as a deficit is not the right person for you. You worked too hard to build your self-esteem and confidence to surround yourself with negative people.
4. I have the courage to let go of negative people to make room for people who see my value.
Trust your intuition on this. You know when someone doesn’t “get” you or your disability and more importantly, isn’t willing to try. The more you stick to this boundary, the more positive, supportive people you attract into your life.
5. I can respectfully dismiss and not care about the judgments of others as these judgments don’t define me.
This will build your confidence the most. You can’t control what people think of you and your disability, so why worry about it? Focus on yourself and what you know is true about you.
Want five more confidence boosting statements? Click here.
Facebook Live Videos are now Fridays at 11am (ET). Watch last week’s video on helping you create a vision for yourself. And this week’s video will be “on location…”