215 - The Anti-Ableist Manifesto: Transforming Dating and Relationships
About Tiffany Yu
Tiffany Yu is the author of "The Anti-Ableist Manifesto" and founder of Diversability, a community of over 80,000 people focused on disability leadership. She became disabled at age 9 in a car accident that took her father's life and left her with paralysis in one arm. She's also a paraclimber competing internationally for Team USA.
Disability Pride and Dating
Disability pride is how disabled people combat ableism—showing up as the fullest embodiment of who they are. In dating, this means feeling secure in one's disabled body rather than hiding it. Tiffany shared her evolution from waiting until the third or fourth date to disclose her disability to now prominently featuring it in dating profiles and conversations.
Personal Journey
For 12 years after becoming disabled, Tiffany didn't tell anyone about her accident. Her "second disability origin story" began in college in 2009 when she started her disability pride journey. From 2009-2019, she worked on owning her story, but it wasn't until recently that she became comfortable with the physical manifestation of her disability, learning to stop hiding her arm in photos.
Anti-Ableism in Relationships
Anti-ableism in dating means actively not devaluing someone based on how their body or mind works. It includes understanding access needs, recognizing microaggressions (like constantly being asked "what happened?"), and practicing "access intimacy"—anticipating a partner's needs without them having to ask.
Advice for Dating
Tiffany emphasizes building community support, working with therapists, and checking in with yourself before dating. She uses a 1-10 scale—only dating when she's at least a 7 or 8 out of 10 excited, avoiding bringing exhaustion or jadedness into new connections.
What Needs to Change
Dating apps have fundamental flaws, relying on photos and prompts rather than genuine interaction. Society needs to close the perception gap around disability—recognizing that disabled people always been here, are valuable partners, and deserve to be seen.
