219 - Feeling Beauty: Redefining Attraction After Loss
Kalindi Jordan is a sex and intimacy coach with 16 years of experience, specializing in helping people develop primary relationships with themselves before entering partnerships. Her work covers sexual intimacy, relationship dynamics, communication, and dating challenges.
Personal Journey with Alopecia
Five years ago, Kalindi lost all her hair—including eyebrows and eyelashes—within 10 days due to alopecia. Initially, she feared her partner wouldn't find her attractive, worried clients wouldn't work with her, and questioned if friends would be embarrassed to be seen with her. This challenged her entire professional foundation built on body confidence work.
Mirror Work and Self-Reconciliation
After three weeks of negative self-talk, Kalindi sat before a mirror daily for at least 30 minutes. She allowed every part of herself to have a voice, letting all feelings emerge. This process became a journey of reconciliation between sadness, pain, and loss—maintaining a relationship with grief rather than resisting it.
Redefining Beauty
Kalindi discovered that beauty isn't what we see but what we feel. When disconnected from her body through negative thoughts, she stopped feeling beautiful. The key insight: beauty arises from deeply feeling sensations in our bodies, not from visual appearance. Her partner's attraction evolved to emphasize personality, energy, and character over physical appearance alone.
Practical Guidance
For those struggling with body image or disability, Kalindi recommends:
- Defying cultural narratives about beauty standards
- Staying curious and fascinated about your body
- Developing a relationship with grief (we only grieve what we love)
- Focusing on sensory experiences rather than visual judgments
- Remembering that nature wanted you—life said yes to your existence
Dating and Worthiness
For dating, focus on the feeling and flavor of connection you seek, not on finding the "right" person. Attraction works mutually—focus on what you want to experience in relationship rather than what another person should be like.
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