Dating with Disability: Choose Your Dreams Over Sexual AbleismSep 08, 2021
“Am I choosing my dreams, rather than buying into sexual ableism?” Ask yourself this if you’re not having success in dating with a disability.
You may not like that question and even be a little offended by it.
But sometimes those harder questions and more specifically, the answers to them, point us in the direction we want to be heading in.
I spent most of my single years believing that living with cerebral palsy presented a huge obstacle to falling in love and finding a life partner. You might be feeling the same way. You may think your disability makes you less attractive, less valuable as a partner.
What Sexual Ableism Is
Sexual ableism is a system of beliefs that discriminate against people with disabilities in dating, intimacy, and relationships, suggesting the very presence of disability implies inferiority (adapted from AccessLiving.org).
But what it really is…is bullshit! 💩 There’s truly no other way to say it. It’s discrimination, belittling, judgments, archaic thinking, etc. It’s certainly real, just as racism, xenoism, and heterosexism is. It has to be acknowledged. We can’t be all rainbows and daises and pretend it’s not there.
But we don’t need to place this prejudicial thinking before our dreams. Why give more power to what can hurt you over what you want most?
Make the decision that was what you want most, to share my life with someone, is WAY MORE IMPORTANT than backwards beliefs.
To Borrow from the LGBTQ Community
Love is love.❤️
Although this is typically associated with the LGBTQ community, those of us living with disabilities can certainly borrow it to help rise above sexual ableism. At the end of the day, we all want to be loved, desired, and valued. This begins with changing what you put your focus on, where you invest your mental energy.
Choose your dreams over the negativity of sexual ableism. Believe in yourself. Believe in worthy of love. Believe that your disability is a vehicle for love, not a deterrent.
You want love, you want someone to share your life with? Believe it’s yours and pursue it despite the judgments and rejections. The judgments and rejection have as much power as you give them.
Ask yourself this instead:
What am I going to do with your wild and precious life?- Mary Oliver