How To Feel More Attractive With A Disability
Apr 05, 2017
I believe that my disability makes me unattractive.
I receive comments like this pretty consistently on the Dating for People with Disabilities survey that I always have available for people to take.
The words continue to hurt with every response I read, not out of pity, but empathy.
I once said those very words, frequently.
In my single and non-dating years, I would tell myself that having a disability made me unattractive. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it kept me very safe – and lonely. Safe from being hurt again by a broken relationship or someone not wanting to date me.
I could hide behind this story I told myself and it could easily explain why I was still single well into my thirties.
If you’re reading this and saying, “Hey, I’m not telling myself a story. It’s true! Having _______ makes me less attractive.”
Well, hold on, because maybe how I came to realize my story may resonate with you.
I was sharing my I believe that my disability makes me unattractive with a friend when her stopped me in my tracks.
“Really?” She asked in complete surprise. “You believe that?”
The look on her face alone made me want to slink away. She had uncovered me. Busted!
I realized in that moment I didn’t believe it myself. It was something I was projecting.
Now, I’m no cover girl, but who among us average people are?
I’m about to say something really non-PC: If you take an honest look at people, there are generally very few unattractive (okay, I’ll say it, ugly people) out there.
How your body/mind works does not affect how you LOOK.
I want you to try this exercise. Think about a couple you know who may fall into that innocuous average-looking category. You know the couple. Nice, but maybe not spectacular to look at, either one or both. Yet, they found one another attractive. So what was it?
That magical combination that the soul in each and every one of us has the power to stir up when we’re authentic, vulnerable, and relatable (i.e. people can connect with us in some way). It also brings us back to our own personal beauty, one that disability can never touch.
If you feel your disability makes you less attractive, I certainly can’t say, “Well, change that thinking because it’s not true and it’s a story.” What you feel is what you feel and things begin to change with the understanding of why you feel this way.
They did for me once I understood the real reason behind I believe that my disability makes me unattractive.
To help you begin to understand that your attractiveness is closer than you think, here’s a short excerpt from the chapter on Sexuality and Our Power to Attract in Firewalk: Embracing Different Abilities.
Seeing the beauty within ourselves is at the heart of having the power to attract. We are the only ones who determine our power to attract. Remember, we are all born beautiful and loving. If you find yourself losing sight of your beauty, remember you can always find it again. None of us came into this world with shame, insecurities, and fear. This means we can return these to wherever they came from.
Many times these beliefs are handed down from those who raised us, from the pressure of our peers during the crucial adolescent years and/or, naturally, from society and the countless false messages it gives us about what is to be valued. Nevertheless, it is always our choice what to believe. The sooner we decide what beliefs are not ours, the further along we are on the path back to beauty.
Realizing that the power to attract has nothing to do with how the body appears and everything to do with how one “carries” oneself will propel us along the path of beauty.
Resources
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