The Fallacy of Sexual Ableism and the Five Steps to Overcome ItJun 23, 2021
“So how are you doing with me having a disability?” I asked my date this bold question after we ordered dessert. I have never been this bold. In this dating moment, I knew that if I didn’t ask it, sexual ableism would seize the moment and I would probably never see him again.
Many of you know what happened next, but the video below goes into the details.
Ending Sexual Ableism For Myself
Something washed over me. I took a breath. I am not going there, I am not a victim. This is hard, but it’s what I want.
I let go.
I let go of the belief that my disability would always be a barrier for dating, that no one would ever love me as a lover, and most importantly, I let go of playing it safe so that my feelings weren’t crushed.
At the same time, my date said, “I know my discomfort is about me and not you.”
Oh my, had I really met a man who could take ownership of his feelings and not negatively project them on to me? After all, this is the key to healing sexual ableism.
I became grounded in who I was in a way I never had before. I breathed again. “Well, my disability is with me for life,” I began. “This is who I am and it won’t change. I would really like to get to know you. I knew this was a risk to take. I felt the stakes were too high to play it safe. I ended with, “But you need to decide if that’s something you want.”
We talked for a good hour more about how he had never really known anyone with a disability. This was all new for him. I drove home having absolutely no idea if I would ever hear from him again.
That intense date set my career and business on a different path.
Rising Above Sexual Ableism
I believe that sexual ableism, a set of beliefs that discriminate against people with disabilities is a real thing. Sexual ableism wrongly assumes the presence of a disability and implies that you’re inferior in the area of dating, sexuality, and relationships.
People rise above sexual ableism with five core principles:
- Dating success requires you to have a positive view of self and let go of limiting beliefs about yourself.
- You have to feel some level of confidence, specifically for dating and building healthy relationships.
- In order to nurture healthy relationships, you need to use problem-solving skills and bring your disability into the relationship.
- Healthy boundaries for yourself increase the likelihood of drawing the right partner to you.
- Feeling empowered in dating and relationships helps you stay safe from potential abuse.
So how are you doing with your disability in the dating scene?
If you’re ready to have dating and relationships change for you, if you’re tired of limiting beliefs, either from yourself or others, that hold you back from the love you’re looking for, and if you’re willing to do the work that often brings the best things into your life, check out the dating resources page on the Radiant Abilities website.